


Maybe it's for the best

by orphan_account



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-09
Updated: 2014-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-11 16:28:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1175259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Maybe this is how he lets me down easy. Maybe it’s for the best."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe it's for the best

Bones noticed it immediately, he just took some time to understand.

He noticed it when Jim’s hand lingered a second too long on his shoulder, and he noticed when it was gone too soon.  
He noticed the beaming smiles Jim only ever shot at him, and he noticed it when they gave way to the shy, forced ones, all too clearly meant to hide whatever truth he was keeping to himself.  
He noticed the spark in his eyes when he let himself get lost in that passionate babbling about space, about his future, about his dreams, only ever in front of Bones, and he noticed it when he started to barely even glance up from his plate at lunch.

He tried to figure it out, once.

“You’ve been acting strange, Jim… Distant. Did something happen? Did someone hurt you… did I hurt you?”

“What? Bones, no, I’m just… tired. I’m fine.”

He let it go, like he hadn’t noticed the raise in the pitch of his voice, the rush to change the subject a second later, the carelessness to use the oldest excuse in the book. Maybe that was a good thing, maybe he didn’t really want Leo to believe him, he knows he could’ve come up with something better if he really wanted to, but he let it go.

He never stopped thinking about it, though.

 _Maybe he figured it out_ , he thought,  _maybe he’s trying to do me a favor by staying as far away as he can from me without leaving. Maybe he knows that I couldn’t bear to live without him and that I can hardly stand having him that close, either. Maybe this is how he lets me down easy. Maybe it’s for the best._

It took a post-finals drunk night to finally understand.

Between mentions of Jim’s father and the poor excuse of a human being that was meant as his replacement, between mentions of a colony some 15 years in Jim’s past and a lifted shirt to reveal scarred skin in the moonlit quietness of their dorm, between confessions of fear of failing to live up to expectations, he let it through.

“Have you ever been in love, Bones?”

Jim was sitting on the floor, back to the couch where Bones was sprawled out, neck almost resting on his thighs, staring up at the ceiling.  
Leo wanted to scream at him, how could he just bring that up like he didn’t know, like he didn’t see it, like he didn’t practically flinch away from Leo’s touch because he knew he couldn’t give him what he really wanted.

“Yeah.” He drawled back.

“It’s fucked, isn’t it?” He was laughing now, the bastard was actually laughing.

“What’s so damn funny?”

“You let them in and you trust them and you need them, and then you realize you can’t get too close and you have to back off or you’ll break.” His voice faded to a whisper. “You’ll break what you do have to get what you can’t have.“

Leo sat up, the movement making Jim turn around and frown at his best friend’s teary eyed, disbelieving face.  
He cupped his hands around Jim’s face and leaned down to meet his lips with his own, kissing soft and tender and slow.   
There was no rush, and no need to talk it out. He got it now, and they had the rest of the night and every night after that to figure out the rest.


End file.
